Ask Marwa: Sudden Feelings for my EX

Dear Marwa,

If you could imagine what a stable satisfactory relationship means,that would be what i am currently living to be honest! The issue is alike any relationship surviving for a long time,we've recently been in a routine like relationship.A few weeks ago,i met by accident my ex while shopping.I though it was nothing untill he texted me a day later,saying he wants to catch up and i found myself neglecting the fact that i am not single after all.I started texting him,and i was happy while doing so.My unresolved ex feelings started to rush in and my boyfriend fights started to double owing to my neglection of our relationship recently.My question here is not whether i was doing the right thing or not...i know it's not! I am just concerned that my actions mean that i am not happy with my boyfriend and this rebound experience is an eye opener to maybe discover the truth and move on in general!


Dear Wondering

Relationships are full of pitfalls and hidden traps; the one you slipped into is called “taken for granted”. Without any ill intentions from your side, you took your relationship for granted. When a couple reach a stable, sort of mature, kind of relationship, one of them, or both of them, tend to take the stability, comfort, trust, security, and their partner for granted.

Right after, the need for adventure kicks in. This need is not as straightforward as it sounds. It manifests itself in many forms; a sense of restlessness, or a feeling of boredom. It could be an inexplicable sense of yearning, or being overwhelmed with nostalgia. In many cases, it is just the feeling of routine.

Seeing your ex, in this case, was the stone that created the ripples you needed. It could have been anything, or anyone, else. It could have been a colleague, or a client, who suddenly showed interest in you. It could be a total stranger complimenting you in the right way at the right time. It was bound to happen.

If you are looking for lessons to be learned, here they are:

To avoid the rut, you need to work together, with your partner, on exploring new and fun things together; such as, diving, fishing, needlework, painting, cycling, cooking, gardening, candle-making, etc.

You also need to work on adding spices to your relationship; little hidden notes, cute sexy surprises, maintaining a balance between being too available and too unreliable, change your daily routine, etc.

Another lesson would be to plan for your future together and to move ahead with these plans. A relationship that is not moving forward is a stagnant relationship, and stagnation is your worst enemy. Here is a quote from one of my previous replies:

“A relationship also hits stagnation when it does not move forward; you guys need to always be busy doing something together. Some people, get busy planning their engagement, buying furniture, decorating, planning for the wedding, looking into honeymoon destinations. Others are great at creating dreams together; saving street children, educating villagers, rescuing street animals, creating comics, ... etc.

There are also those who start a business together and those who have kids together. There are couples who plan vacations, weekend activities, and special occasions together. As long as you dream, work, plan, and grow together, then you will overcome boredom. “

Your little rebound is not a sign that you are in the wrong relationship; it is the sign that you just need to make your current relationship more exciting and alive. Let it grow and grow with it, and pretend that your rebound never happened.

Forgive yourself, and move on.