ASK MARWA: I did not tell my family that my fiancee is divorced with kids!

Published in Identity Magazine – May 2014

Dear Marwa,

I am currently engaged to a man who I’m really in love with. We met just a year ago and are currently planning our wedding. There is one thing though, he was married before and has two children. I don’t mind that at all but the problem is that I didn’t tell my parents till now! They believe that this will be his first marriage. I can’t bring myself to tell them the truth as I’m really afraid of how they will react and might even call off the wedding!! Also if they find out somehow, they will hate me forever. I have no idea how to deal with this, please help me!

Desperate Bride

Dear Bride,

This is indeed a very difficult situation! You managed to keep a huge secret in the closet for a year but how much longer do you think this secret will stay in the closet? Eventually, your family will know! They will be way angrier at you then than they will be today! They will also blame your guy and there will be a lot of unpleasantness in the air for everyone. This is a very wrong start for your marriage and a very bad position for you and for your future husband.

Your worst nightmare now is a lot of steam and a fear that they might call of the wedding but if they found out later on they might never forgive the two of you! This will always be a grudge no matter how you tried to explain it. But look at the bright side! They have known this guy for a year! They trust him enough to marry you off! They like him one way or the other! He has credit! He proved that he is worthy enough of their respect and approval and this is why you guys need to have "the talk" with your parents now!

It is not a good idea to talk to them alone; take him with you! Let them see his face and hear the truth in his voice as he explains how his past marriage should not affect your future with him. Give them the opportunity to confront him with all their fears and allow him to explain how he plans to manage those issues. You two need to agree on a story to tell when you both get accused of lying and deceit, and you two need to be very patient and rational no matter how your parents reacted.

Most probably, your parents will ask you to postpone your wedding until they get to know your future husband a little bit more. They might ask to speak to or meet his ex-wife and they will certainly have a lot of questions regarding his kids and how he plans to sustain both homes financially. They will be worried that you will be deprived of having kids because he already has his own. They will have a lot of questions about why he got divorced and what are the financial arrangements between him and his ex. Your parents will investigate his story and do a lot of background research on him. All of this will place much tension on your relationship but it is way better than a bomb-of-a-secret in the closet.