Published in Identity Magazine in November 2016
I am madly in love with my boyfriend of 3 years. He is the best man I have ever met. He is kind, caring, loving like no other. When I am with him I feel i am floating, he makes me feel like a queen.
The problem is he never stays put in a job for more than 4 months which makes it impossible for us to get married. I can't face my family and afraid if we do get married, we don't have income to live. Please help.
Dear Madly in Love
You did not clarify your boyfriend’s age so I am going to make several assumptions and reply accordingly.
Assumption 1: He is under 25
If that is the case, then do not worry; In Egypt, it is totally normal for a fresh graduate to move between jobs and try a few careers before he finds his true calling.
I specifically said “in Egypt”, because life in Egypt does not help someone identify his strengths and talents until his mid-twenties. Probably he has never had a summer job in his early teens or during his college years. Probably he studies a major because it sounded nice or prestigious. Many study majors based on their grades regardless of their true passions.
Give him time. He will eventually find out what he wants to do with his life but until then, do not burden him with marriage and such responsibilities.
My advice is: Wait and See!
Assumption 2: He is between 25 and 30
If that is the case, then you are justifiably worried but if your boyfriend does not quit his job before he finds another one, if he is managing to get a better job with a better salary, and if he knows how to get himself a job, then maybe the previous phase is just dragging on a little longer. Maybe he simply needs more time to find his perfect fit.
My advice is: Remind him that his resume is not looking good with all the hopping around from job to job. You can also recommend a good career coach to help him identify the right jobs for him. He might be lacking certain skills to keep him in a job longer than four months, and a career coach is the right person to help him.
Assumption 3: He is over 30
If that is the case, then you have every right to be worried. He has not stayed enough in any job to make him an expert at it, he has not stayed long enough with any company to have a good record of recommendations, and at the age, most HR people and recruiting personnel will assume that something is wrong with that person’s level of commitment and responsibility.
My advice is: A career coach is a must! Your boyfriend needs to find out why he is continuously failing to meet the requirements of a job or why he always has the urge to leave. It could be so many things starting with his own insecurities and fear of failure to total recklessness and irresponsibility.
If you are not sure where to find a career coach, look for a great HR or Personnel Manager to help assess him. There are so many assessments out there that would help him uncover all the blind spots in his personality that are leading to his frequent moves.
In all cases, postpone any marriage plans until your boyfriend feels more confident about himself, his career, and his future.
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