Slap Slap ? that awful sound ? Clap Clap ? my baby let me down!

Date posted: April 1, 2005

Clap Clap, boys set your gears … Clap Clap, girls on your heels,
Clap Clap, boys hold your sneers … Clap Clap, girls hold your tears,
Clap Clap, music to your ears … Clap Clap, no time for fears,

Clap Clap, girls and boys are playing musical chairs … an easy game on the dating scene … just jump on an empty chair … just get an available guy … just get an available girl … and as you let go of her, make sure you grab another girl … as you jump boats, make sure you left nothing behind … ditch your partners … switch your partners … just keep going in circles around the musical chairs …

What is happening to us? How did we get trapped in an endless game of musical chairs? Why did we agree to the rules of play? Who told us not to stop? Guys, why do you play ball with your girls? Girls, why do you play dummies with your guys? Isn't it sad? Isn't it pathetic? Isn't it disgusting?!! False pretences, facades, maneuvers, fake words, shallow appearances, and out-of-this-world expectations rule this fiasco.

Men are caught between what they like and what they want; they like the girls that their minds do not want and they want the girls that their hearts do not like. A typical example of this schizophrenic condition is the single version of the cool guy who is seen in all the trendy hangouts, drinks, dances, flirts, dates, and the sky is the limit when it comes to how far he could go with his adventures. Mr. Cool likes girls who share his wild rides and challenge his hunter instinct; who are exposed, experienced, and expressive.

If it is just dating and having a nice time, Mr. Cool has no problem. But when it comes to the forever word, Mr. Cool takes off his cool mask and in a strict tone describes the girl he wants; traditional, conservative, religious, sheltered, and controllable. But is Mr. Cool willing to alter his lifestyle? Is he willing to become an equal match for the girl he wants? No! No! This is not how this story goes. Mr. Cool will eventually get married to a girl who will not threaten his sense of security; who has no benchmarks to measure his performance against; who is just grateful to have him in her life. Then he will leave her at home to take care of his house and his kids while he pursues the girls he likes.

This is not the end of Mr. Cool … you will see the married version of Mr. Cool in the colleague who hits on you at work, in the client who puts you in one hand and the business deal in the other, in the werewolf who hunts you in outings and chases you in parties – all of them sounding like a broken record when they tell you how unhappy they are in their marriages; how they need someone who understands them and shares their dreams; how they miss communication and passion in their homes …… sounds too familiar?!!!

The girls, on the other hand, lost touch with who they really are and what they really want. Most of us do not know what we like any more. As "good girls" we should dress up in a certain way, go out to specific places, be seen in the company of particular people, be home by this or that socially agreed upon time, and the "good girl" list goes on. It is as if we were born in this world to meet other peoples' expectations regardless of who we are. Our dreams are always blurred by the influence of a higher authority that dictates the code of conduct we should abide by to gain acceptance.

Someone once told me that human beings have three dimensions; how you see yourself, how others see you, and how you want others to see you. The closer the distance between the three dimensions the more at peace you are and the more stable you become. How many girls do you see everyday stretching their three dimensions east, west, south, and north? They are bending over backwards, denying their needs, turning against their true selves. Take a close look at a sequence of actions that contradict the words, words that defy the body language, and body language that is at war with the eyes all in an attempt to meet expectations, gain respect, get approval, and win a ring on the naked left finger!

If girls compare their expectations of a man when they were sixteen and what they are willing to accept from a man now, they will see how far they are willing to compromise. Is it growing up or growing desperate that drove us so far down the ladder of expectations? An assembled package of your average guy replaced the tailor-made prince-charming; a married man will do if he has the money, a younger guy will do if he has the looks, any man will do if he can make it to the alter!

I quit the game a long time ago and from a helicopter view over the dating arena, I can see the same old story being told over and over again; a boy meets a girl and they are together for a day, a week, a month, or a year, then the boy dumps the girl to get another girl who has not played the musical chairs before. The boy meets a new girl but she played before; her boy let her go because he wanted a girl who has not played before.

The cycle continues and, like a game of cards, when you throw a card away someone picks it up and when you pick a new card up you have to know that it was thrown away by another player in the game. With a mask on his face he promised to love her forever and with a mask on her face she swore she's never played before. The music is still playing … cards are handed … cards are thrown … chairs are vacant … chairs are taken … and the game goes on!

Bang Bang, you shot me down, Bang Bang, I hit the ground,
Bang Bang, that awful sound, Bang Bang, my baby shot me down!

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